Six months is really just a half of a year...

A little over two weeks ago I was told I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma. When I was told I had cancer, the doctor could have just as well said I was actually a Martian and would soon be sprouting antennas out of head. Basically, the notion was absolutely ridiculous, inside I was laughing hard at the absurdity of all that has happened in the last three months. Three months ago I had a baby. Two months ago that baby got really sick and gave me enough medical related stress to last a lifetime. In the past two months, I had two D&C’s to help with post delivery problems due to placenta accreta. And lastly, I was recently told I shouldn’t have more children due to the risks involved. Of course I have cancer, because life isn’t complicated enough at the moment. The phrase, “kick me when I’m down” has been floating through my head lately.

Ever since I was told, I’ve been in a bit of a fog, almost in denial. Outwardly, I’ve tried to be very positive and cheerful. Truth of the matter is, I’m not really sure how to react. Many emotions have gone through my head in the past two weeks: sad, grateful, pissed off, lucky, numb, thankful, and accepting. The fact of the matter is this is a very curable disease and I will make it through it- I don’t have a choice. I actually feel quite lucky. As my oncologist said, “If you’re going to get cancer, this is the one to get.” I also feel very fortunate my doctor noticed the lump on my neck while sitting across from me during my 6 week post delivery checkup. (Dr. Sharon Fisher, you are amazing!) But nonetheless, the past few weeks have been a roller coast of emotions of thoughts and scenarios. The hardest part for me has been weaning Aurelia at only three months. Because of the chemotherapy, I have no choice. For some this may be hard to understand why I’m making a big deal of it, but given the fact that she was so sick and that she is my last “baby”, it was and continues to be the hardest part for me about acquiring this disease.

I feel so very fortunate to have family and friends who are so incredibly supportive. My friend Cristina was there for me in Seattle when I found out I had cancer and continues to be a tremendous support system. My sister Trish drove up to Seattle for the day just to be with me after the news broke. My friends Anne and Jeremy put me up in their house for a few days. My mom flew up to Seattle and Juneau leaving my dad and new house in Arizona behind to get me through my first session of chemo. Addison and the girls continue to brighten my days with smile, hugs and love. Susan, Wendy, Doug and Kris for being my Lena support crew. My friend Steve in Haines started a Facebook fan page for me complete now with over 250 fans. I’ve always been a “fan” of Steve’s for his amazing swim from Skagway to Juneau to protest the road, and now feel like an absolute rock star as a result of the support system he set up for me. He even shaved his head! My friend Chuck shaved his head too, and lots of my friends are dying purple and green (lymphoma support colors) streaks in their hair to show support. My friend Hannah (who is in elementary school) dyed her light blonde hair with green streaks. When she got up to explain to the class why she did it, she told them, “When you love your friends and they are sick you do fun things to support then so they know you love them.” From the cards, flowers, e-mails, shaved and dyed hair, phone calls, meals on wheels, and special boxes of hats and goodies, I am feeling the love and support everyone. I am truly feeling the love.

My treatment will be chemotherapy, every two weeks for a total of six months. I will do most my treatments here in Juneau, but every third will be in Seattle. I was also informed today that I will indeed need radiation. This came as quite a blow to me and Addison. At first this was something my doctors thought I could avoid, but when a “bulky mass” (aka a swollen lymph node) is larger than 10 cm radiation is administered. I have one that is 9.7 cm. I like to think of my 15 swollen nodes as pieces of citrus fruit. They range from the size of a lime to a grapefruit. The medical board met and decided that they really want me to kick this (which is good that they are on my side) and determined the best approach is to give me the radiation. I don’t like this idea at all. Radiation can lead to lung cancer, heart disease and many other nasty things I’d like to avoid. But, I have been told I am not going to have to do as intense of radiation and they will only have me do it for a few days as opposed to several weeks. I want to beat this, and I’m going to do everything it takes (even radiation) to overcome it.

My next round of chemo is this coming Friday here in Juneau. I handled the first round okay and mostly had side effects from the drugs they gave me to prevent me from getting sick. I hope it continues to not treat me too badly. After my first treatment, I lopped off all my hair and put purple streaks in it. I have always wanted purple hair and I felt since I was going to lose it; I might as well do something fun. I was lucky enough to have enough hair that I was able to meet the requirement to donate it to

Locks of Love, a non-profit organization that provides wigs made of real hair for children who have lost theirs from cancer or other illnesses. I love this non-profit and have donated my hair to them in the past. This time it had a much more significant meaning.

I am going to try to blog as much as possible about this experience. Why the name “I’m Just Here for the Piroshkies?” As most of you know, I’m a bona fide foodie. The name is about my favorite Russian Bakery in Seattle:

Piroshky, Piroshky. I’ve always said I’d go to Seattle just to get a Vatrushka or Vladimir roll from them as they are simply the best. Since I’ll be traveling to Seattle quite a bit for treatments, I’m looking at it as a chance to eat as many Vatrushka rolls as possible (although I’ve been warned about eating my favorite foods while on chemo.) Addi also supported the name because he said if I got bored of talking about my cancer, I could talk about food. He’s got a good point!

The next six months are not going to be fun, but I am just going to look at each treatment as a hurdle I have to overcome. I’m also looking at it as a chance to learn to be more appreciative of my family and friends and life in general. I’ve been on auto pilot for awhile now, not really stopping to take time for things. I’m also going to try my best to keep my chin up and save my tears for tears of joy when I’m told I am cancer free in six months or when I cross the finish line of my first marathon which I plan on running in the summer of 2011. (It’s in print now Brock- you can hold me to it.)

Keep tuning in folks, I'll be here. XXOO Franny