We Didn’t Start the Fire (Okay, so maybe I did.)

I have chemo tomorrow. It will be my first round in Juneau and I’m a little nervous. I’ve been preparing for it the past few days. When I get nervous, I clean and I cook. As Addison would say, I have a case of the Monica’s. (Monica was the super clean neat freak on the sitcom Friends.) I did all the laundry, cleaned the house from top to bottom, crossed most everything off my “To Do” list (including the Christmas thank you letters that I’ve been procrastinating for over a month) and I made one of my favorite dinners tonight, My great Aunt Frankie’s Tortellini Soup, and I even tackled garlic knots inspired by my friend Ali whom I chatted with earlier today.

Tackling the dinner was kind of over the edge as Lena didn’t take a nap today and instead chose to watch Annie while singing all the songs at the top of her lungs while simultaneously bouncing on the couch like one of the orphans. This soon prompted poor Aurelia to start to scream in frustration. While the chaos was reaching a peak, I carelessly placed the paper towel roll too close to the burner hence starting a fire. The fire then spread into the pot where there was grease and yes, it got ugly. This was my first kitchen fire and I managed to get it out very quickly without destroying dinner or my kitchen, but I did manage to singe my hair in the process (good thing I’m going to lose it anyway.) The commotion in the kitchen stopped Lena in a rousing rendition of “Tomorrow” and led her to gasp, “What happened mommy?” I told her I had a small fire, but it’s okay now because it’s out. Her response was classic, “It happens.” Then she went back to singing “Tomorrow.”

After the fire, I started working on the garlic knots. I thought of Ali and the conversation I had with her earlier in the day. Ali and I met in graduate school in DC back in 2000. She was my first friend in DC and I made a point of making friends with her quickly because she was the only girl in my orientation class besides me wearing jeans, a fleece jacket and no makeup. Some things are just meant to be. Ali and her mom introduced me to garlic knots when I went home with her to New Jersey one weekend. They are served at most pizzerias in NJ and they are quite tasty. Ali told me that a pizza place isn’t a pizza place without them. I remember that weekend well as it was the first and last time I met her mom as she died of lung cancer a few months later (she was never a smoker.) Ali had lost her dad a few years earlier so when her mom passed, it left only her and her sister. Ali remained strong throughout her mom’s illness and even after her death. She kept her strong sense of wit and even managed to study for and take her comprehensive graduate exams. I was so impressed that she was able to just keep moving forward. I can’t even imagine being that strong. I probably would have dropped out of grad school if I had gone through what she had.

Today Ali told me I was her hero and I had to laugh that it came out of her mouth. I haven’t done anything that is hero worthy when compared to someone like Ali. When I need to be strong, I channel my strength from my friends and family. I think of Ali and how she lost both her parents before she was 30. I think of my Aunt Pat who is on her third round of chemo fighting ovarian cancer. I think of my brother who has overcome addictions. I think of Addison’s mom who is a breast cancer survivor. I think of my friend Brock who in his early 30s started having serious heart problems, but now he is an avid marathon runner. I think of Aurelia who at three weeks old fought for her life to shake a virus. The list could go on. There are so many people in my life who demonstrate enormous amounts of strength and courage, and I feel fortunate to have them as models. If I can have a tenth of the strength and courage of what my family and friends posses, I’ll be fine. I draw my strength from them. I’ll be fine- even if I do set my dinner on fire every now and then.