Waiting For My Real Life To Begin

Nine months ago during a routine six week post-delivery check up after having Aurelia, Dr. Fisher noticed I had a large lump on my neck. She ordered an ultrasound which led to a CAT scan, which led to a fine need biopsy, which two months later led to a surgical biopsy in Seattle, which led to me being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Cancer. Nine months ago, my life changed dramatically, and it will never be the same, which I have now learned, isn’t always a bad thing.

During the past nine months I’ve had three surgical procedures, two PET scans, ten doses of chemotherapy, and seventeen radiation sessions. I’ve met with eight different doctors in three different states, five infusion nurses (Tamara was the best), and countless nurses and technicians. I’ve met dozens of people with cancer, and in the last three months alone, I’ve lost my aunt and one of my best friends to the disease.

Cancer Sucks.

I got home on Tuesday night after being away for a month. Not much has changed. The garden looks almost the same because nothing has neither died nor grown due to the lack of summer in Juneau. Addison did loads of work on the house and the kitten turned into a cat. Like me, the girls are excited to be home and back to our normal routine life, a life where mommy is done with treatments.

I may be done with treatments, but everything is not behind me. For the next two years I will need to meet with Dr. Fisher every three months, and then every six months for five years after that. She will check my lymph nodes to make sure they are not swelling and she will need to give me an overall physical examination. I will also need a CBC, CMR THS and ESR every three to six months. In six months, I need to have a CAT scan. If that comes back clean, my oncologist said I should never need another one unless I start having cancer-like symptoms. I will also need a yearly chest x-ray and I'll need to start doing mammograms earlier than most women because I am now susceptible to breast cancer after being exposed to radiation. Additionally, I'll need to start getting pneumococcal and flu vaccines regularly. I also learned that in a year to five years, my thyroid will quit functioning and I will need to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life, another issue caused by radiation. Oh and lastly, I'm at an increased risk for coronary artery disease. Phew, did I get it all? After my oncologist told me this he said he would not need to see me on a regular basis and I quote, "It is a real positive to be fired by a medical oncologist and I am very optomistic you will do well."

I may be able to move on to my post-cancer life, but the reminder of it will always be there. It’s not something I can easily put behind me and be done with it for the rest of my life. My focus will now shift from beating it, to now staying on top of it. I will do my best not dwell on fear that it may come back, but instead try to continue a healthy lifestyle and keep positive. I can’t say I won’t get nervous each time I’m awaiting my test results, but I will at the very least try to stay positive.

So what’s next? For starters, I’m planning my Juneau celebration party. It will be August 21st, 7 PM at the Juneau Arts and Culture Center (old Armory.) I hope many people can make it and help me celebrate. If you want to come in from out of town, we can stack people in like sardines at our house, or find other places for you to stay. The more the merrier. Aside from party planning, I’m eventually going to have to start training for the marathon. I gotta say, beating cancer wasn’t all that fun at times, but I can honestly say, I’ve feared the looming marathon more! For a girl who has never even run in a 5K race, a marathon is going to be quite the challenge. Brock suggested we run the San Francisco Nike Women’s Marathon in October of 2011. I’ll be seeking donations for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society soon, so if you’re interested, please let me know.

And in the near future, Addison and I are going to crack open a bottle of Veuve Clicquot my favorite champagne. He bought it for me Christmas of 2008, right before I found out I was pregnant. Due to pregnancy, breast feeding and then cancer, we still haven’t opened it. I think now is the time, and there’s definitely cause to celebrate.

Aside from celebration parties and running, who knows what the next year will bring for me. I am open to positive change. The past nine months have been a wild ride, but at the same time, I feel that aside from the possible future side effects of radiation, I am a better person as a result. I find myself happier, much more appreciative of everything I have, and willing and able to make positive changes in my life to make things better for myself and my family. Also, my hunch that I have the most amazing family and friends was proved to be correct. My family and friends held my hand during this entire time and wouldn’t leave my corner during this fight. I thank you so much. I will always be appreciative and indebted to you all.

I guess this is it; dare I say I’ve reached the end of my blog? Ending it would mean that I am thinking positive and that I won’t need to share the trials and tribulations of having cancer ever again. Thank you so much for reading and keeping me going. I really do hope that the next time I do go to Seattle it really will be to just go for the Piroshkies, and to see friends and family of course.

PS-Thanks to all the musicians/bands who gave me great song titles for the titles of my blog entries:

Waiting For My Real Life To Begin- Colin Hay
Today The Suns On Us- Sophie Ellis Bextor
Hasn’t Hit Me Yet- Blue Rodeo
Fall Apart Again- Brandi Carlile
Power of Two- Indigo Girls
I Don’t Want To Talk About It- Rod Steward
Man on The Run- Cowboy Mouth
No Miracle, No Dazzle- Blue Rodeo
Everything Old is New Again- Barenaked Ladies
Beautiful Day- U2
I Will- Beatles
Poker Face- Lady Gaga
Only a Dream- Mary Chapin Carpenter
I’d Rather Press On-Gordon Lightfoot
Reasons Why- Nickel Creek
Closer to Fine- Indigo Girls
Spring- Cheryl Wheeler
Nothing More's Gonna Get In My Way Supergrass
Fast As I Can- Great Big Sea
What Went Wrong (In Your Head)- Supergrass
Hope Alone-Indigo Girls
Where is My Mind-Pixies
Wisheries- John Gorka
Always Getting Better, Blue Rodeo
Sugar, Sugar- The Archies
As Cool as I Am – Dar Williams
Come Back Down – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Thank you – Tori Amos
Vacation – The Go-Go’s
Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles
Man on the Run – Cowboy Mouth
Sounds Strange –Captain Tractor
All I Want – Toad the Wet Sprocket
The Luckiest – Ben Folds
It Happens Every Day – Dar Williams
Pushing the Needle Too Far – Indigo Girls
We Didn’t Start the Fire (Okay, so maybe I did.) – Billy Joel
Who Needs Sleep? – Barenaked Ladies