Here Comes the Sun

I admit it, I had a rotten week. I made it through chemo weekend only to find myself exhausted the rest of the week with a fuzzy head, a sick Lena, a messy house and way too much to do before we were to leave on vacation. I haven’t been in the mood to write because my goal for this blog is if I don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. However, an anxiety attack on the kitchen floor this Tuesday taught me that I’m just going to have to accept that not every day is going to be roses the next 6 months.

Tuesday was pretty rough. Lena had a temp of 102.3 at 2 am, so I kept her home from school. Of course all day Tuesday she was wired like a puppy on espresso. She was bouncing off the walls, climbing the ceiling and singing at the top of her lungs. Aurelia chose Tuesday to be her one fussy day this week and wanted to be held all day long. The cat was as energetic as Lena, and poor Yasha was so stressed, she was hiding her head under the bed like an ostrich. (Yasha reads me like a book.) This was the one day that I had set aside loads of opera work that I had been procrastinating and my rigid-self just couldn’t accept that I wasn’t going to get a darn thing done. I don’t like being unproductive and I like the feeling I get when I cross things off my list.

My mind started to wander to the “how unfair” mode. It was at that time my friend Kris called and asked if I was going to the meeting that night. Okay, I have a confession to make to the outside world- I am in a sorority. (College friends: this is your cue to put your hand over your foreheads, gasp and faint.) That’s right, I, Frances H. Field am in a sorority. But don’t worry, we don’t wear pearls and cardigans, or drink cheerleader beer, and I don’t think a single one of us married a Frat Boy. Basically, we get together once a month to talk, eat dessert, drink wine, present a program, play a game, or do a community service project. They are a great group of women and I am honored to be associated with them. Many of them have been cooking us meals and dropping them by the house which I truly appreciate on my chemo days.

When Kris called there was a part of me that didn’t want to go, but I knew I’d have a good time if I went. So I told her I’d go and then she reminded me we were having a Valentine gift exchange. Crap. I had forgotten and didn’t even buy a gift. Kris said not to worry; she would bring an extra one for me. In my pre-cancer days, I would never have accepted her offer, but I’m trying to learn to accept help so I thanked her and happily accepted.

The meeting turned out to be great as always and even though I went feeling exhausted, I left feeling energized. There’s something to be said about spending an evening with good friends who are incredibly loving and supportive, especially after a bad day. I need to continually remind myself this. It’s the support of my family and friends that are going to get me through this next six months. They are here for me, I just need to learn when to ask for help.

We’re leaving tonight to go to Arizona. We are all looking forward to the break and sunshine. Lena’s had her coat (and snow boots) on since 7 am. I can’t say I blame her. In my head, I’ve had my shorts and flip-flops on for over a month.