The Luckiest

Having Hodgkin’s has re-opened many lost connections that I used to have. It’s been great getting back in touch with people, even if it is because I am sick. One of the connections I made was with a college friend Aria. She is a lactation consultant who lives in Oregon. For the past month, Aria has been my personal consultant when it came to the drugs I was on. She’d look up the drugs and then let me know if could keep nursing.

Before I found out I had cancer, I had froze lots of milk just in case I was going to have to stop nursing. After I was diagnosed and had my first round of chemo Aurelia was put on formula. Addison and I noticed she didn’t throw up nearly as much on formula as she did with my milk. Immediately red flags went off and I thought for sure my milk must have been toxic to make her throw up so much. Could the Hodgkin’s have an affect on her? Aria didn’t think so and thought it probably had to do with acid reflux and/or positioning, but just in case, she threw it out to a world-wide listserv of lactation consultants. I mean, what luck, I’m getting expert advice from all around the world!

Responses flowed in and basically all said Hodgkin’s is not transferrable and therefore, no, my milk was not bad for Aurelia. She probably just does better feeding from a bottle. Good news for me. But, there was a response about a mother in the Netherlands that really got my attention.

A woman pregnant with twins in The Netherlands was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s at 9 weeks pregnant. She’s been undergoing chemo treatments while pregnant. I can’t even imagine. I was told I’ve most likely had this before I was pregnant, but I’m thinking perhaps it was a good thing I didn’t know. Maybe they would have caught it earlier, but the thought of me having to undergo chemo while pregnant scares the daylights out of me. My heart really goes out to this mom.

I’ve never felt very lucky. Bad luck always seems to find me. Friends used to say, “If it’s going to happen to anyone, it will happen to Frances.” But here's the thing, since being diagnosed, I’ve been feeling so lucky, so very lucky. I feel lucky I got Hodgkin’s as opposed to another cancer, I feel lucky that my doctor caught it on a whim just by looking at me, I feel lucky I have someone like Aria to ask the world questions for me, I feel lucky I didn’t have to undergo chemo while pregnant, I feel lucky I have a great family and so many friends who are supporting me. I feel lucky. That’s all.